A Military Nightmare
by Blaze Alchemist
Summary: A Totally random oneshot based off of a friends dream


**A Military Nightmare**

This whole thing is based on a dream a friend of my editor had. When they told me about it I just had to write some thing about it, sure this isn't my best work but I hope you enjoy it!

Colonel Roy Mustang let out a groan of annoyance. Today was graduation day for the military academy and this year the Fuhrer had ordered every available unit to attend. The rumor was that Bradley had made some changes to the ceremony which was why he wanted such a large audience. When they reached the hall where it was all being held they took their seats and prepared for the boring ceremony. It all began with a speech from one of the instructors saying how proud they were of the cadets and blah blah blah. When that was over all that were awake clapped to be polite and then the Fuhrer stood at the podium.

"I know you have all trained long and hard to join our great army," he said to the cadets "But before you do I have one last task for you"

All of the officers were confused. They never had to do anything else, what was the Fuhrer planning?

"Would Colonel Roy Mustang please stand up?"

The colonel did as he was asked but couldn't think of any reason why he would be requested to stand.

"Lt. Hawkeye would you please disarm him?"

The blonde confiscated his gun and gloves. Now he was really baffled, what the hell was the one-eyed old coot up to?

"Ok in order to become a soldier you must successfully pants Colonel Mustang"

"Huh?" he said looking at the man as if had gone totally insane.

"Have at him!" Bradley called cheerfully.

Mustang just stood there with his mouth hanging open until Havoc said "Chief I suggest you run unless you want the majority of the military to see your underwear"

"Lets just hope he's wearing some" Breda snickered.

The colonel swore at the 2nd Lieutenant before turning to retreat, but not quick enough. He in the middle of the great room, half way to the door, when one of them got him, or rather his pant leg. The whole room erupted in laughter at the sight of his hot pink boxers that were dotted with purple hearts. Angry and embarrassed he shook of the cadet, who was lying on the floor, smiling triumphantly, pulled up his pants and high tailing it towards the door.

"If I can make it to the car I should be home free" he thought.

Dodging the attacks of a few cadets that were by the door he escaped to the parking lot, only to find that the tires on his car had been deflated.

"Why is this happening to me?!?!" he shouted angrily only to be answered by a couple of cadets shouting "We found him!"

Great now he's given away his location, could this day get any worse?

"Yes it could" he thought bitterly as another one got him.

"I can out smart them!" he declared with a bolt of determination.

"Just keep telling yourself that!" laughed Havoc who had come out with Breda, Hughes, and Hawkeye to watch the chaos unfold. Hughes of course was getting plenty of pictures.

"I'll ask him about his daughter later and then he'll be a sitting duck for my revenge" plotted the colonel.

Duck? That gave the man a sudden idea and he darted off towards the nearest office building.

"You know I can't believe he wasn't smart enough to just lock himself in his car" Breda said as they watched him run off.

Once Mustang reached the building he went straight to the janitor's closet and started franticly searching for something.

"I know I remember seeing it last time I was in here"

Why he was in the janitor's closet was a different story. Finally he emerged holding a roll of duct tape as if it were made of gold. He then wrapped it around his waist four or five times and then around each ankle a couple of times.

"Lets see them get me now" he laughed right as a group of cadets came down the hall.

"Ok old man just stand still and make this easy" called one cocky blonde cadet.

"Old man?!?" the colonel growled through clenched teeth. "Do you little jerks know who you're dealing with?"

"An old man the wears girly boxers" he said and the others laughed.

That was it he was going to teach them a lesson. Or he was planning on it but he hit a roadblock when he reached in to pocket only to remember that Lt. Hawkeye still had his gloves.

"Looking for these sir?" came a voice from behind him.

He didn't know whether to rejoice or dread the fact he turned around to see none other then 1st Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. While he figured this out the young men behind him took this chance to complete their task. To bad no matter how hard the pulled the colonel's pants didn't move.

"Damn the old guys getting smart" said the same cocky blonde.

"Lieutenant please give back my gloves" he growled.

"Sorry sir but I can't do that" she said almost sounding sympathetic.

"Oh does the big bad flame alchemist have to ask his subordinate for permission to use his weapons?" called the cadet mockingly.

That was the last straw, he was going to get those gloves back if it was the last thing he did. He quickly came up with a plan to get his weapon away from Hawkeye, it would most likely get him shot in the process but it was worth a try. Suddenly he pulled the blonde woman against his chest and whispered "Lieutenant have I ever told you how gorgeous you are?" While one arm kept her held tightly against him he used the other to retrieve his prized gloves from her pocket. And to his utter amazement she just rolled her eyes and mad e to effort to stop him. After slipping on the gloves the colonel turned to the cadet who had been throwing all of the insults.

"So you think its funny to pull down people's pants huh?" he said with a smirk "Well you just might want to get rid of yours"

He then snapped and lit the man's pants on fire. As soon as the blonde realized what was going on he started jumping around and screaming like a little girl until Lt. Hawkeye put the flames with an extinguisher.

"Oh man that was funny!" he breathed when he was finally able to stop laughing.

"Yes that was quite entertaining," agreed Hawkeye.

"Lieutenant I'm so sorry for grabbing you like that, you're not going to get in trouble cause I got my gloves back are you?"

"Nope" she answered simply

"But I thought the Fuhrer said.." he started

"After you ran off he said that the cadets had till 3:00pm to complete their "task", when you got your gloves the time was 3:02pm"

"You know Hawkeye I meant what I said earlier," he said as they walked towards the door.

She blushed and was about to reply when his alarm clock went off.

"Damn" he muttered as he shut it off "that's the last time I eat tuna before bed"


End file.
